Grief specialist David Kessler pushes back against ranking losses. A fiancé before a wedding, a spouse after 50 years, a child, a murdered child, a pet: each person insists theirs is worst. Grief is personal. When someone says their pain is worst, they're saying it hasn't been seen.
I'm David Kessler. I'm a grief and loss specialist. Here's what I know. Whose grief is the worst? What I'm about to tell you may surprise you. I was giving a lecture and in the front row, someone said, "My grief is absolutely the worst. My fiancé died right before our wedding." The person said, "That's nothing. My spouse died after 50 years of marriage." Then the next person went, "No, no, no." My child died. That's the worst. And the person next to them goes, oh no, no, my child was murdered. That's the worst of all. And then someone else said, no, my pet who was with me every day and every night for 17 years just died. I said to them all, hey everyone, let's stop comparing grief. The problem with comparing grief is we're in our mind. We don't have a broken mind. We have a broken heart. And the answer to whose grief is the worst It's yours. It's always yours. We can't feel anyone else's grief, only our own. And here's something really interesting. If you work with people in grief, or if someone in your life is telling you their grief is the worst one, what they're really saying is, "My grief hasn't been seen enough." Let me know your thoughts and follow for more info and support.
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