David Kessler explains why grieving people hold onto a dead loved one's belongings, sometimes for years. Sorting through a favorite dress, a child's toys, or a parent's shirt feels like erasing them. There's no timeline for letting go, and rushing it feels like betrayal.
How do you let go of their belongings when it feels like you're erasing the evidence of your loved one? When someone dies, all of their belongings suddenly belong to us. This seems like such a simple task for the outside world. Everyone has a solution for you to help you purge everything. Here's the reality that makes it so hard. It's the last coat they ever wore. It's the toys they'll never play with again. It was your mother's favorite dress. It was the shirt your father always wore to church. It was the last car they drove. And besides, all of this feels like you're erasing the evidence that they were here and lived. Here's the reality. There is no timeline for this. I remember a family member said to me after her husband died, "I feel like if I got rid of his clothes, it would be a betrayal. And after that, we're never going to share a closet again." She said she wasn't ready for that. I've been a grief expert for decades and my younger son died a few years ago. I probably have more of his things than is necessary. Dismantling your child's room is just not as easy as you think. And I've been to Abraham Lincoln's room. I've been to George Washington's room. I've even been to Elvis's room. We keep a lot of rooms intact in this world. If you haven't cleared things out or given things away, It's okay. If you have a friend who hasn't taken care of their loved one's belongings, maybe it's time for you to pack your patience, love, and compassion up for them. Let me know your thoughts and follow for more information and support.
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